Grace of God

But for the Grace of God.....I still ponder what made me walk into my first meeting. I was with a couple of old friends and I mentioned my first meeting. They asked me how I knew where it was as they had also been in that country with me and would have had no clue. I had known for many years that I was an alcoholic so I had been noticing mtgs everywhere I went. I just never went in. It was a long journey from that day in March 2003 to May 19, 2006 when I ended my last relapse. Yes I still think of drinking. Last week it was rainy here and on my way to a sober woman's birthday luncheon I thought 'gosh wouldn't it be nice if they served drinks'. The insanity that I think that I can still maybe control it....but I am too scared of another run and too grateful for all I have today. As I have stated I also go to Alanon ACOA meetings. I have come to realize that because my mother was never satisfied I feel I need to be unsatisfied. But today that is not true. If I am grateful and I just look around at the good in my life I am satisfied. I went with a group of sober women to the Oprah Magazine Dream Big Conference this weekend in Miami. It was amazing how many of the sessions were really just the steps boiled down. I would listen to the speaker and think 'check I know that' 'check I know that' and then I would look around and most women were hearing it for the first time. One of the things they kept stressing was to stay connected and to share with others. We are so lucky that we have face to face groups, this online group, sponsors etc so that we are never alone if we don't want to be. Most of the world doesn't have this and they live in lonliness. I think that may be worse than still drinking in a way. All I know is that I have a peace I never had before and I have no idea how I got it other than God's Grace.