I know it may seem like I have been a bit distant. That is true. I am concerned how much we gossip when we are together so I have been limiting our contact. I know in the past I initiated the gossip and participated but that was the old me...I am sober now and that is old behavior. I don't want to know who drank soda after a mtg, who got married after relapsing. Yes I did say that the mtg was bothering me but in a general sense. What I expected to hear back was ways to handle it when a meeting gets troublesome....not agreement and more examples of the sick folks in the room.
I just know that I am concerned that if you gossip with me you also gossip about me. I know I do about you. I spoke to Christina and told her that you emailed me that she drank coke at breakfast. It was stupid of me as it hurt her. Yes it was true but hurtful none the less.
We need to stop this behavior as it hurts me and it hurts others.
For me the gossip is very familiar to old behavior I had with my mom. My mom loved to rip apart the neighbors and family. If I had a playdate and I came home and said "the mom was thin, the house clean etc" my mom left the room. If I said "the mom was fat and the house a mess" she made tea or poured wine and discussed it with me...giving me attention. I learned that if you rip people apart then you get attention. This is behavior that I want to stop.
It makes it difficult to have friends in the room when I have taken their inventory. I need to just focus on me...that is a full time job.
xox
W
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hi it is me
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