Chasing Fabulous

That was what G. said in today's mtg. He was always "chasing fabulous". Me too. It is weird how what is fabulous changes. In my old techy life fabulous was using the right words, knowing the code name, having the latest beta or device. Then when sailing fabulous just seemed to be having friends-I remember listening to the VHF at others conversations feeling so lonely. And today in this town fabulous is having a bigger diamond, the right handbag, the designer shoes. In none of these worlds I felt like I fit in. Before I left for my mtg this am, I read another woman's blog. She was discussing not fitting into the "blogging community". It made me wonder who am I writing this blog for? I think I started writing this b/c I felt like I didn't fit in w/ the women in my AA world. I wanted a place where I could write whatever I wanted w/o having to fit into the strict narrative of AA. I had left a mtg where everyone was talking about having to pray for the people who make them crazy, I think for me I need to look at why I brought the people into my life who drive me crazy....that is the hard part....then I can't blame them for what they did to me...I did it to myself by not heeding the red flag they were carrying. Anyways I said that at the mtg and I felt like an outcast. It is easy to pray for the girl who stole your boyfriend. It is hard to look at why you let yourself fall for a guy who steal-able. If that makes any sense.

I digress. I know people look at this blog, but I write it for myself. I do not need to chase fabulous in the blog world. And I am ceasing to chase fabulous in my regular life.

xox wr

ps another home project with my husband where we didn't fight.!!