Last night I went out to the home owners holiday tour of homes which followed the paying public tour of homes. It was great because only the 10 homes and the volunteers toured and we all did it together. Of course wine was consumed at each house. I have for a long time wanted to be "friends" with these neighbors. I am new to town and lonely...my whole life I have sought my value through friends. I did get the "cool" folks to actually say they wanted to be my friend (and DH) friend and that they would get us "deep" into the neighborhood. It is cliquey but so is AA. I am in all the AA cliques. I am not sure if all towns are like this (actually I am sure that most are) but my town is particularly bad due to other factors. Some places are just trendy and therefore the pressure to fit in is greater. This is an ongoing talk between me and my sponsor. I didn't pick this town I kind of feel like it was fate. I hope it is too help me quickly (b/c of the practice) to stop thinking that I am less than or better than. Getting right sized is a character defect goal.
So back to the normies. I wonder if I can hang w/ people who drink or whether I will be like those who only have AA friends. This is hard as the AAers can be really full of chaos here. I am trying to pay attention and to not seek out those with tons of drama but that is what I enjoy/am used to etc.
A woman with 11 years who got sober in her teens shared today how she still looks around at her honest, bill paying friends and wonders where the felons are. While I never hung with felons and think the same of her (who knows though) I get her point. At least with the non-AAers I feel like since we don't have that false sense of intimacy, nor b/c we are not judging ourselves by lengths of sobriety that it is calmer. Obviously I need to make sure I watch out when drinks are being poured but it is nice to go out talk superficially. If that makes sense.
xox W
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2 comments:
I hear what you're saying about 'normal' (drinking) friends. I only have one friend who never drinks, everyone else drinks as much or more than I did. I always had someone to point to in my mind and say, 'I'm not as bad as so-and-so'.
I don't want to give up all my friends, so I still see them and I just tell them that I don't feel like a drink today. I don't tell them I've given up in case they try and talk me out of it. I can accept not drinking one day at a time, and my friends don't seem to notice if I say that I'm not drinking just for one day.
Congratulations on passing that one year landmark!
Thank you for writting this. I have lots of friends who drink, but I find them boring when they are drunk...ya know? I think the need to be accepted is universal. Sometimes I have the most sobriety in a meeting....and I get all caught up in the newcomers excitement and gratitude. Sometimes I'm the sober baby, and I try to listen for some words of encouragement. You can certainly work this program, no matter who you are hanging with.
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