Pit in my stomach/Letting Go

I identify with many of the issues of ("not enough, never enough."). I was diagnosed with Crohn's this summer which for me is basically canker sores in my colon. I have a very mild case so far. But I can see that these sores are like little ulcers from the "edge" that led me to drinking.

I just read Eric Clapton's autobiography (get it from a library it is boring with long sections where he just drops names of blues guitarists) but for about 10 pages he talks about drinking, relapsing, surrendering, working on inner child work. He gets on his knees every morning and night and asks for help/says thanks. This is something that I do not do and he claims it stopped his cravings. I do believe my god talks to me through others so perhaps I should give it a try. I tell myself..."just do it for a month, if it isn't working stop..but give it a try". I wonder why I am so stubborn that I won't do what so many others say works for them.

I also need to let go of what other's think of me. Over the weekend I saw my high school best friend whom I had not seen for about 8 years, although we communicate via email/phone. Our lives have gone different directions. She still lives in the town we grew up and I have moved and lived all over. I married sort of early, she was single for years and is now newly married. I had a traditional high-pressure career she did odd sorts of jobs with breaks in between. She had just come from a 5 week 7 country trip where she never spent more that 4 nights in one place. Reading her blog it is all about the travel from place to place. I used to travel (heavy while working and then on my boat). I had to have pages added to my passport I went so many places. She sort of looks down on me for settling in one place. She wants to know when I am going somewhere, when I am moving again. I get caught up in the whole..."I should". When in reality I must stay here as I am staying sober here. I also found sailing to be very lonely. I was so happy when I met up with C. but you can never stay with another boat for that long (different sailing speeds, repairs etc). Even though I know her idea of travel isn't mine and I want to wish her well. I feel inferior to her or fearful she won't like me....I am not really sure but I know I want to let go of trying to live up to what I think others think of me. Intellectually I know that I may not even really be right about what they think of me!! I think I will add this to my prayer tonight.