putting off myself

This is a common problem, I do for others and not for me. Then I get pissed at myself.

At 3 years in sobriety I think I need to make a new list and put myself on it. I did something dumb today and lost $50. I am beating myself up about it. I lost the money because I didn't want to go through a bunch of paperwork and being lazy I thought I could put if off until later. This is a reoccurring thing for me. The stupid thing is that I spent a good portion of the day volunteering at a new-nonprofit. This is a pattern for me. If someone else needs me I drop everything and run but if it is about my own welfare I just put it off. The truth is I could have done both, gone through the papers and gone to the non-profit as I watched tv this morning. It is just a lazy pattern that I have developed. It is almost like I want to create the chaos so that I can have something to beat myself up over. Which I guess is a familiar behavior when I could beat myself up over something I did drunk and I believe reminds me of my mom who loved to rip me to shreads (to help me learn!)

I need to be willing make a living amends to myself and start to prioritze myself.

To do list (the words above were written by me on Sunday - the Check marks below are going to updated all this week)

1. rewrite resume w mktg focus. (me) X Done Monday and faxed in !!
   
2. deliver flyers (not for me) X Done Sunday
   
3. swim (me) X Done Sun&Mon...and I am seeing results
   
4. delta card
   
5. presidential w. clinic (me)
6. meet w john pb med sccty (not me) X and took on a project that I can do from home!
   
7. returns
8. ikea
9. wp 100
10. a closet
11. rain
    

I need to do that sun/mon as then the rest of the week is stuff for others...