Sharing at a Meeting

Last night was a cool night. In the town one over there is a double winners mtg. Where the alanon person speaks for ½ the mtg and the aaer speaks the other half. My husband was asked to do the alanon part although I wasn’t asked to do the aa part. That was fine with me as I don’t often do the ½ mtg shares and I am not sure I really want my husband to hear my story. There is a lot he doesn’t know and I am not sure I want him to know.

Of course when we got there the aa speaker didn’t show so of course they asked me. It ended up turning out really well. My husband went first and he was really cute. He had everyone laughing when he said. “I was counting her drinks but you will never believe she was putting vodka in her water bottle”. He kind of thought I was the only one. Since it was late on a Saturday night I did do a bit of a drunk-a-log and had everyone laughing including my husband. I can be funny and as we know our drinking can be funny. But in the end funny doesn’t help cover the amount of pain drinking causes. So it was nice to have a nice Saturday night together.

Back to the top – Deciding who you are. This is a huge issue for me. I have shared so many times before about this. I am a huge people pleaser and I hate disagreeing with anyone. Plus I also know I hear negative when no negative is being given. I emailed my sponsor when I got home and her response was “Wow! That's fantastic. And, you were right in my back yard and I was sitting at home at 8:30. Too bad. Congratulations on telling your story! Love, J.” And I take this negatively like I should have called her.

In so many ways I still hear the negative and the “I am not good enough” words that my parents fed me. I was always letting them down, they were never happy and they blamed me for that. So I carry that I am responsible for others and we know that that is a doomed way of thinking.

I have made progress although I would like to improve more.
Xoxox