South Beach Day 1 - Living Life to the Fullest

I am going to try and do south beach again. My experience with the diet club makes me think that this time I will have better results.

* Breakfast at City Diner - scrambled eggs, tomatoes, coffee (with 3 creamers bad)
* Lunch at home - tuna, onion mayo - half can GK had other half, good salad from the night before
* Snack - a few peanuts - I didn't count them again bad
* Dinner at home - 1/2 chicken breast w/ powdered seasoning, zucchini, black beans, salad with light oil
* Dessert - 1/2 orange (carb bad)
1 sugar free orange jello with Parmesan cheese
Weight this am 131lbs.

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I don't feel that I am "living life to the fullest" at the moment.

Part of it is that I am more irritable than at other times. I am keeping a journal of these times to see if they are perhaps monthly or if I just need to admit I am bi-polar/manic-depressive or some other "mental illness" and need to go on medication. I don't feel suicidal at all but it seems that everyone around me is so annoying that I need to look at why my patience is gone. Obviously if it is more than one person that bothers me, it really isn't about them but about me.
I also need to look at why I have so many controlling, and I will even go as far as to say "mean" people in my life. I seem to gravitate towards people who do say awful things to me. I think reinforcing the way my mom talks to me. Before a meeting I was saying to two women who I really don't want in my life (they create way too much drama and chaos in their life which is a flag to stay away). But I was talking to them about my anger/irritation and I said I was tracking it. They both jumped in with examples of how they see it in me. And it hurt a bit. Like when you ask someone if you are fat...you don't want to hear you are. Plus I didn't ask them I was just talking. So two lessons. Shut up! I don't need to say everything that comes into my head. And stop caring what people I don't even care about think!

That works for strangers but my husband has joined the list. I have to remember I taught him to pick on me, that way when he did I had an excuse to storm to a spare bedroom and drink the bottle I had left there for that purpose. I no longer do that but he still thinks it is okay to just randomly take my inventory and say mean things about me. He defends his behavior by saying he is joking, but it just hurts me and the things he says are somewhat true or things I fear could be true, so it really hurts.

Anyways I am just trying to get through the day in the minimum, I am not sure if to the fullest.